Fifth Decade

We all get them. Well, most of us anyway. All those reminders. Never ending trails of paper that hound you until your hair falls out. They start at least 6 months before you actually need to renew, but never tell you exactly when you really do need to renew.

After a while, you’ve had so many of them that you become anaesthetised to their arrival. They land on the doormat like confetti, and you treat them just like confetti. Of course, we do collect them; we  store them in the paper recycling pile ready for the next collection, another redundant refugee from the mailshot mailman.

But why, you ask, am I so annoyed by them? Simple. It’s because of them I miss the magazine renewal date. It’s because of them I miss number twelve.

Now, that’s an issue that needs addressing.

Rumours are going around that with the recent USD 6 billion purchase by Microsoft of digital marketing firm Aquantive the software giant is planning to incorporate advertising into its Windows OS.

The BSOD could be sponsored by an insurance or car breakdown company - or even a car manufacturer with the line “Aren’t you glad our cars don’t break down as often as your computer?”

Windows Explorer could advertise the cult TV show Lost, McDonalds could advertise on the Start menu since their food always has loads of extras you don’t really need to start the day, while lastminute.com could sponsor the MS Office menu bar with the message “The total time you’ve wasted so far this year looking for the correct control in this program is enough to have spent two weeks in the Caribbean at this hotel. Book now!”

You really have to say this guy hits the nail on the head when it comes to forecasting the future of digital music. It’s a shame only the precis worked as an article, but I just hate that faux friendly folksy meaningless bonhomie that some writers think makes them better writers.

My arse it does.

Original (much longer, but less informative for being so) Business Week article here. I guess they wanted it two pages so they could sell more ads…

For those of you who don’t visit the Apple UK website and haven’t heard they have some UK only “Get a Mac” ads. Most of them are pure copies of the US ones, so I won’t talk about those here. Instead, what about the two new ones - Home Office and Tentacle?

Apparently the UK consumer buzz around Apple has fallen from +14 to +8 since the ads were screened, although I’ve unsuccessfully looked for the original data on the YouGov website and that of MediaWeek who are supposed to have dug it up. So what is it, if anything, that the ads just don’t “get”? Here’s my tuppence worth.

Home Office
Hmm… is this what Californians think Britain is like? People going to “supper” at each others’ houses? Well, maybe in the aristocracy, and maybe in some little Bijou residences in Chelsea, but not in the rest of the country. After all, most people haven’t been to Public School and just don’t talk like that.

[For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, in the UK a Public School is one you have to pay a lot of money to go to; that means only the rich can afford to go, as the fees are usually about £5,000 to £10,000 per term - that's £15- 30,000 per year, or $30- 60,000 per year if you're from "across the water".]

Why else could the PC guy be more popular? Well, he’s clearly the Alpha male. As a biologist I know that in primate groups there is a hierarchy underneath an Alpha male, and humans are just another primate. We have hierarchies - tall people are more likely to get voted into office than short ones; the attractiveness of men to women is based not on how men relate to women, but how men relate to other men - because it’s a display of power and confidence. The alpha male is the one that displays the most aggressively to the other males.

The reason why this ad doesn’t work is because the PC guy is the alpha male. He’s the one confidently showing off to his accolyte, the Mac guy. It’s the PC who gets all the attention, he’s the one with the big cajones. So he’s the one the viewer warms to. The Mac guy? He’s weak and insipid, doesn’t say boo to a goose, and is nowhere near as good as the US Mac guy.

Tentacle
I have to admit, I don’t really understand this one at all. If you want people to trust you, you like straight into their eyes. So, who’s giving all the eye contact here? The PC. He looks directly into the camera, daring you to disbelieve him and talks with conviction.

The Mac guy? He’s furtive, shady, and gives practically no eye contact the whole ad. When he does look directly at you, it’s with squinting eyes, and it’s no more than a glance for a fraction of a second. He’s not trustworthy. And with his hands jammed in his trousers, he almost looks repressed. That’s no way to present the idea of a Mac.

But, maybe that’s the market Apple are after? Not the Alpha males, but the ones underneath him? Well, that’s where this ad really doesn’t understand the psychology involved. Alpha males are strong influencers, that’s why Steve Jobs does his keynotes so well, and why Bill Gates can’t and has to rely on coercion.

The translated ads
OK, I said I wouldn’t talk about the other ads here, but they do fit after all, at least in general terms. Of course, I haven’t seen them on TV, just on the website, but that’s enough to form an impression.

First of all, you have to remember that we Brits always like an underdog, and in many ways see ourselves very much as the successful underdog you don’t want to wake. In these ads the PC is usually the underdog; they’d have been much better with the PC being arrogant and pushy and the Mac being nice and helpful. Or even having the PC character in charge, and the clever Mac underdog coming up with some clever little wheeze to get the girl, get the job, get the contract or get the whatever - but always from the position of the underdog. Maybe one of hese scenarios would work better… or perhaps you can think of a better one?

Scenario 1
Old lady sitting at table, wants to do something with a computer.

PC says: “Are you stupid? It’s easy - anyone with a degree in computer science can do it. Just drop into my filesystem and reboot me. What? You want me to do everything for you? Pah. I’m going to take a nap…”

Mac says: “Don’t worry about him, he stresses out easily. Here, let me help you…” Mac proceeds to produce nicely outputted workflow in no time at all. “There you are! All finished. You’ve got time to look at those photos your grandchildren sent from Australia now. Or would you like to have a video chat with them while I do something else for you? It’d be no trouble at all…” Old Lady smiles at photos of grandchildren on screen…

Scenario 2
PC Character comes into bar with entourage from office, cocky, arrogant, trips over step; Mac character sitting quietly, observes. PC character tries talking to people in the bar, nobody understands. Finally, PC reaches Mac character, asks “Why can’t anyone understand me? I just want to send a fax…” Mac character replies “Relax, this is downtime. Have some fun! Everyone likes fun.” PC replies “Downtime? Isn’t that when I cras…..” PC freezes, one by one all his entourage freezes too. Mac character says to barman “I guess he can’t chill out…”