Ground Effect returns to F1 (it’s illegal by the way, except if Ferrari do it)

Ferrari went testing in Barcelona today. And lapped two and a half seconds faster than anyone else, including McLaren. Now, that isn’t a normal difference: they’ve added something new to the car.

Ground Effect.

Autosport reports that the new nosecone they used today has two slots in it that transfer air from a high pressure area between the front wing up to the low pressure area just behind the front of the nosecone and in front of the driver. This means they are in effect creating more suction between the car and the road, creating more grip. Further, this air is then channelled over the rear wing to provide more downforce. In addition, it stabilises the flow of air into the engine air intake to help with engine power.

You have to hand it to Ferrari, this is quite clever. But is it legal? Well, not for McLaren, or Williams. But as we know, Ferrari are seen to get special treatment. Or is that over, now that Max’s little secret is out? Or maybe Ferrari were actually restrained by Max, and they are taking advantage of his current weakness to launch this controversial new design.

But why was Ground Effect made illegal? Well, if you significantly increase the suction the car has in corners, imagine what will happen if it suddenly loses it. Nosecones fall off or self-destruct all the time: from  collisions with other cars as happened to Lewis Hamilton in Bahrain, or even from just hitting a kerb as happened to David Coulthard earlier in the season.

Of course, if we want more overtaking, then we really do need some changes, and some have been planned for 2009. Slicks are coming, and downforce is going. Well, not all of it, but a lot anyway. So this new Ferrari Ground Effect system will tilt the playing field again.

Damon Hill said fat slicks and good mechanical grip would do the trick, and that cars had too much downforce these days for any overtaking to take place. Well, if Ferrari stay 2.7 seconds per lap ahead of the competition, just when life was getting interesting with more than ten cars being separated by less than 1 second at the last race, then we can forget about overtaking.

Never mind overtaking, we can forget about racing, as it will just be Ferrari, and we can forget about a Championship, as it will be a foregone conclusion, with Ferrari winning every race.

Who wants to watch that? That’s what happened a couple of years ago when TV figures for F1 plummeted when Ferraris were winning everything, and Schumacher’s contract forbade his team mate from beating him. Heck, that year even I gave up watching F1 on TV for the first time since my father died, the only day I  had missed in the previous twenty years. That season I missed about 12 races! Looks like I’ll be doing something similar this year…

The Week of Denial

This week every other news item seems to be about some luminary, or thinks-he-is-a-luminary, exhibiting remarkable powers of denial over reality. Here are the shockers that most immediately come to mind:

Zimbabwe

Robert Mugabe is clearly in denial about having been defeated in the recent elections. Not only has the result not been made public, it’s actually been made into a state secret! Having said that, the ruling Marxist Zanu-PF party are making preparations for a re-run. Except nobody knows if that is correct or not, since the results have not yet been released, two weeks after the election was held, and one week after the results should have been released.

Latest news is that 23 constituencies will have a recount (because the electorate got it wrong, obviously) despite there being a time limit of 48 hours in which to lodge a recount request, which can only be issued after the results have been released, which they still haven’t been! Naturally, one suspects these specific 23 recounts have been planned because within the last two weeks, Mugabe supporters have been busily establishing they are the constituencies which need the fewest votes to be re-written, and have managed to rewrite them by now.

Finally though, the leaders of the countries surrounding Zimbabwe seem to be considering ending their state of denial that anything needs to be done in Zimbabwe and are actually saying things that should have been said years ago.

South Africa

In South Africa, Thabo Mbeki, that well known advanced intellect who was busily claiming there was no crisis in the ANC leadership as he sped to defeat at the hands of his rather more charismatic colleague – yes I know that could be anyone so I’ll be more specific and say defeat at the hands of his colleague, Mr Zuma, for leadership of the ANC – has now been saying there is no crisis in Zimbabwe either (never mind the electoral irregularities, starvation, 100,000% annual inflation, 80% unemployment and general economic collapse that has pushed 3 million refugees into Zimbabwe’s neighbours’ lands).

Even more, Megabrain Mbeki has gone on record to say that it was in the law that Zimbabwe could hold a run-off election. Yes, Thabo, but first of all they have to release the results of the first one! How else do you know they need a run-off?

Monaco

Changing tack to look at someone who hasn’t exactly been caned in an election (just caned) is Max Mosley who has been busily protesting that he has done nothing wrong in procuring the services of five hookers for a five hour orgy of sado-masochistic concentration camp style German language corporal punishment and sex. Someone ought to give Mr Mosley an education in the ways of the world, the law, and morality.

Prostitution supports the drug industry, human trafficking, and other unsavoury and associated criminally connected pursuits, and the women involved seldom sign up to it as the long-awaited fulfillment of their childhood dreams. Yes, Max Mosley, you did do something wrong.

London

In the town of Max’s recent denouement, another nobody-cum-luminary, Alastair Darling, the Chancellor of the Exchequer (the UK Finance Minister) who knows how to do what his boss says, is in denial about the strength of response of the UK Government to the sub-Prime crisis. He was on the BBC TV news on Saturday trying to pass the blame for the lack of response from the banks to the Bank of England’s recent 0.25% cut in interest rates. They have not all reduced the mortgage rates they charge borrowers.

Well, what did he expect? The ramifications of the sub-Prime crisis are far larger than can be fixed by a quarter point cut: the US Federal Reserve reduced rates by 3.0% and fed over $200 billion into the banking system across the board in exchange for (some of) the bad sub-Prime based collateral that is at the root of the problem. The UK Government just pledged a large portion of that sum to a single bank that would have otherwise have gone bankrupt.

But he’s clearly in denial about a quarter point cut being enough – the banks have to rebuild their reserves, and will be doing this in any way they can – a wider savings rate to mortgage rate differential, higher charges, more charges.

So, there we are, an unusually high tally of high-ups who need to do some mental press-ups to avoid having to wear hold-ups or hold dress-ups. Yes, it’s a giant cock up by the stuck up for the fucked-up.

I hope it’s a hiccough.

Mega Massa makes mincemeat of opposition as ham-fisted Hamilton has a horror

The nice thing about Formula 1 is its unpredictability. Well, this weekend, anyway. Never mind the unusual shenanigans happening off the track in Chelsea dungeons, on the track we are having quite a year. Quite rightly the Crown Prince of Bahrain insisted nothing would be allowed to distract us from the racing, despite all the salacious gossip in the press worldwide.

At Bahrain, there were one or two surprises. Swiss based BMW Sauber now lead the F1 Constructors Championship. Robert Kubica gained pole in a car that was clearly not the fastest at the event. Raikkonnen didn’t win. Massa did. Kovalainen beat Hamilton and got the fastest lap in not the fastest car on the circuit. Toyota actually beat their customer team, Williams. And the start was not chaotic. Presumably all that wind they experienced today – about 20 to 30 kmh gusting along the pit straight – distributed the sand fairly evenly and so the expected advantage of being on the racing line on the grid was not as great as it might have been.

OK, Hamilton cocked up big style at the start. He admitted to Autosport later that he hadn’t been able to put the mapping into “launch mode” quickly enough. I thought there were supposed to be no driver aids this year? So what’s all this talk about then?

Anyway, he was gobbled up by the pack quicker than you can crack a whip, falling from 3rd on the grid to 10th place by the end of the first lap. It didn’t help that he miscalculated just how slow the Renault was out of that corner and so ran into the back of the renegade in the Renault on acceleration, dropping himself down to 18th after pitting for a new nose. If he hadn’t have fluffed the start though, he wouldn’t have been anywhere near the middle of the pack. Looks like he’s having the kind of experience most other newcomers to F1 have in their first years in slower cars. For most of the race he was lucky to be racing with the Fisichella Force India over 13th place. 

Looking at the scores on the doors, McLaren have gone backwards since the beginning of the year scoring first 14, then 10 and now just 4 points as a team. Ferrari on the other hand has got better and better, with scores of 1, 10 and today top marks with 18 out of 18. BMW meanwhile have been more consistent, edging forward bit by bit with scores of 8, 11, 11 so far this season. BMW’s slow but deliberate progress clearly comes from the calm way that merry Mario Theissen runs things. More to come, I think.

So, now we have to wait three weeks for Barcelona, where we will see if any teams have made any leaps forward, or by standing still be going backwards. Up until now they have been away from home, and although teams as rich as Ferrari can ferry failed engines to their factory for analysis and problem solving in the week between the Australian and Malaysian GPs, most teams do not have such a $500 million budget. So, most changes – particularly to everyone’s aerodynamic packages – have had to wait until the return to Europe before they can be installed.

Hopefullly, the ITV commentary team will learn to observe and talk about what is actually happening next time, and not bore us with inane tales of gossip picked up around the paddock while something interesting is happening on the track. The usual character is of course to blame – Martin Brundle is, as always, superb. If only his colleague would watch the monitors while he is talking we might get some synchronisation between what he is saying and what we can see happening for a change.

Pole on Pole

Nice lap, Robert. Light fuel load? No matter, pole is pole. I could hear the cheers from Warsaw from here!

I’ve always liked Poles – those of the thousands who live in the UK have all been pretty decent people. Friendly, welcoming and hospitable. Considering they faced death if they went back to their home country while it was under Russian domination, they always showed a phlegmatic sense of National pride, duty and patriotism tinged with sadness at their and their country’s loss.

It’s really nice to see such a friendly, determined and heroic people rise up and compete on the world stage in what is something that would only be possible in a non-communist world. Formula One. And Robert Kubica – today, you must be Poland’s hero. Best wishes for the race – chill out and don’t let your nerves get to you this time…

Talking of nerves, let’s see if Massa can keep it on the track this time. He really needs to finish! Never mind fighting for position, he just needs to keep it on the track. For a change. Maybe no traction control really does separate the men from the boys? And Massa right now is looking more and more like a boy…

As for the boy Hamilton, well, the boy done good. As Our ‘Enery would say. At a track where the Ferraris are clearly dominant (I am assuming they have more fuel on board than Kubica) pushing Raikkonnen down to 4th was no mean achievement.

Not sure why James Allen boo-booed again on ITV saying that it was good Hamilton was ahead of Alonso. Err, yes James. If you haven’t noticed yet, Alonso is in a Renault, and lucky to even get into final qualifying. There is no way he will be a contender this year – he couldn’t stand the heat, so he got out of the (McLaren) kitchen. At least James Allen explained the difference between what ITV calls the “hard” and “soft” tyres and the drivers call the “Prime” and “Option” tyres. Nice to see F1 moving to BBC next year though I am sure there are some good people in the ITV team as well.

Hamilton along with Kubica is on the grippy side of the track too, as is Kovalainen, unlike both Ferraris who are on the slippery side – but on the inside of the first corner. Should be an interesting start!

There’s going to be mayhem into Turn One. Kubica will get off into the lead, Hamilton will follow him, but the Ferraris will try to move over to the left asap to get onto the grippy side of the track with Raikkonnen overhauling Massa who will be desperate not to go off and therefore more cautious. This will then leave space on the right side of the track for those starting from fifth and below who may pile into the Turn One with too much speed on the slippery, sandy part of the circuit, not being able to stop and giving a few cars a light tap here and there. At least the strengthened, Adrian Newey designed Red Bulls will be less likely to explode this week! But we’ll see. The picture I’ve just described is just one (rather obvious) possibility.

And we all know that in Formula One strange things can happen. On and off the track. As we have recently found out. Bahrain is going to be a cracking GP.

But one thing you won’t hear this weekend is anyone saying “Bah. Rain.”

Why have I written nothing about Max Mosley?

Do you remember that old saying – why should I tell him he’s an ass when he does such a good job of proving it all by himself?

Well, I did write something about Max Mosley and F1 here. It was just written a little while ago, but still seems to be quite popular.

Enjoy the Max and Burnie show…

Labour Government has No Standards

I was just reading an interesting story in MacFormat magazine about the NHS. They’ve spent a load of dosh (they can’t do anything without spending a load of dosh, apparently) on bringing themselves into the online age with a couple of applications – Choose and Book, and the even more expensive Electronic Patient Record system.

Anyway, they’ve spent £5,600,000,000 to be exact. That’s £5.6 billion. Plus £64.5 million on top. Like a kind of tip…

The story unfolds on Page 8 of the April issue of the mag “Safari users failed by NHS” and describes how NHS online schemes are unavailable to thousands of Mac users because the NHS systems only support Microsoft Internet Explorer and Firefox browsers.

Health Minister Ben Bradshaw was queried in the House of Commons by the Conservative’s Stephen O’Brien about the £64.5 million Choose and Book appointments system and replied in a written answer using what can only be called Microsoft-speak:

Because of the number of browser versions available to internet users, priority has been given to certification of the application against the most popular browsers in the first instance.

Well, that is strange. I thought there was such a thing as Internet Standards? You know, rules like we have for driving – drive on the left, steering wheel on the right, accelerator on the right, clutch on the left and brake in the middle. Standards that when used mean that any manufacturer can build a car that works on the road, and that any driver can use without having to learn a new system.

On the internet there is a set standard, even a set of standards, and the best websites use what is known as “Standards compliant coding” which basically means they only have to design and code for one International Standard. It is then up to the browser writers to comply with those agreed standards. This saves a lot of money for developers.

I mean, why develop for many different systems when you could develop for just one global standard?

Ah, but that doesn’t help Microsoft sell their software does it, because when there are standards that anyone can use, there is no way to lock them in to having to buy Microsoft. Microsoft have a long history of sabotaging international standards, as we have just seen with the ISO voting process for Microsoft’s OOXML file format when there was already a perfectly adequate ISO standard with far wider acceptance in the Open Document Format (ODF).

That’s exactly what they have done with the internet. In order to force users to buy their Operating Systems they incorporated features into their browser that were sufficiently different to the agreed standards to make life difficult for those with different browsers. In fact, in many ways Internet Explorer does not read standards compliant websites awfully well at all – it’s a flawed browser on many levels, not least of which being security, something of a concern where our health records are concerned.

It’s the waste that gets me though. How on earth could the government spend £5.6 billion on any computer system at all? And then not have it fully working? That’s a lot of tax money. It’s a lot of free prescriptions. It’s a lot of patient beds, a lot of life-saving equipment. Oh, I forgot, it’s also a lot of profit for Microsoft and its supporters.

Well, at least we know what the NHS considers most important then.

Zimbabwe: Not even a Banana Republic…

Not so long ago the term for a mis-managed, non-performing, shambolic and rather-laughable-if-it-weren’t-so-sad country was to call it a “Banana Republic” because that was often the main export of such countries, their location frequently being between the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn where bananas are most easily grown.

Except in Zimbabwe. All the productive farmland has been confiscated and given to Mugabe henchmen with no idea of how to grow anything. Well, no matter how often you stick electrodes into the ground it won’t produce any crops. Beating it with sticks produces no shoots of recovery. Not even bananas.

Surprising, really, since Robert Mugabe the incumbent President and Lord of Chaos in what was once the Jewel of Africa is clearly going bananas. But his cronies are too scared to tell him.

The recent elections in Zimbabwe are a typical example of what is wrong with the country: lack of transparency, a denial of reality, and the inability to take personal responsibility. The delays in publishing results are laughable: they have been posted outside the relevant polling stations since counting ended last weekend! The patience of both the populace and of the real winner of the election, Morgan Tsvangirai are laudable.

With 100,000% a year inflation, 80% unemployment, and average life expectancy for women of 36 years of age, if Mugabe is re-elected the whole world will know that he has fiddled the result. And the longer it takes for the results to be released, the more sure we all are that perfidy has been at work.

Of course there are many quotes of him saying “I could not sleep if I fiddled the result” – but when he said that (and I heard him on film on BBC News), he put emphasis on the “I” in the statement, implying he would sleep fine if such dirty work was (as always) done by his henchmen. There is no blood on his hands, he would say. He is not responsible for any of the torture, murder or inequality in the country.

Mugabe’s hands are white, not dirty. It is just his trail that drips with the blood of his country.