B A Dummy – travel via Heathrow Terminal 5

It could only happen in 21st Century shambolic Britain.

For many, many years Terminal 5 at London Heathrow has been in one stage or another of being planned or being built. Just the process of building the place has taken over 5 years. So you’d have thought that every eventuality would have been planned for, every process would have been rehearsed many times, every member of staff would have been fully trained, and would know exactly what did what, where, and how.

It seems they didn’t.

BA might have been hoping people would be able to hum the Steve Miller Band song, “Fly like an Eagle”. Well, BA got the Eagle part right, but only because on the day it was more like that line from The Eagle’s “Hotel California “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave…”

It appears that British Airways caught “Iraq Expectancy Syndrome” ie, a concentration on everything up until the moment of truth, but very little focussed on consequences afterwards. Too much “Short Termism” perhaps? Basically, BA and BAA seem to have just assumed that everything would be fine on the day. BA even sent out a peppy email full of vim and hopefulness. It started:

“Five and a half years ago the building of our new home began in our most visionary project to date. Today we opened the doors. There is no more waiting… “

Err, really? According to the BBC News website things were not so rosy as BA predicted with delays of 3 hours or more for some, while less lucky people had to find hotel rooms as flights were missed or cancelled.

In their email, BA said “At Terminal 5 everything has been streamlined and designed to make your journey through the terminal calm and relaxed. And this morning we saw all the planning fall into place.”

Actually what we saw was everything falling apart.

Reports on BBC News say the problems mounted up for a number of reasons, all of which come down to bad planning, bad preparation, and poor or insufficient training. A typically British mess.

The BBC reported that the bottleneck was due to what BA referred to as the new “state-of-the-art baggage system” which broke down due to insufficient resources such as the computer system not being able to cope with the number of bags being carried. Because staff couldn’t get to their workplaces in time, bags mounted up at the end of the conveyor belts which were supposed to deliver bags to planes; this stopped the conveyors working, and then the check in couldn’t add any new bags to the “flow” and so everything stopped.

Some people even sat on their planes for three hours on the tarmac waiting for their baggage to be loaded, only to see it being returned to the terminal because the computers told the baggage handlers their stationary plane had already departed.

This was in complete contrast to BA’s earlier boast that “The next time you fly in to, or on from Terminal 5, you’ll experience for yourself how all the planning and careful design has fallen into place.”

Rather than falling into place, things were falling apart. One passenger in a wheelchair was stuck on a flight arriving into T5 from Glasgow for more than an hour – and then when he was transported to the terminal he realised he could not get up the kerb. Now that’s just ridiculous. Forgetting about wheelchairs in this age of Disability Awareness? That’s sloppy, if not careless.

So why was there all this chaos? Simple things, apparently. Some workers couldn’t get into their allocated car parks (insufficient systems testing); they got lost on the way to their places of work (lack of practice and poor preparation and signage); and some couldn’t get through security (poor systems testing again). And then of course there were the computer systems that fell over when things got difficult because presumably the programmers had not planned for what happens when things go wrong. Iraq Expectation Syndrome again.

In the end, 34 flights were cancelled, hundreds if not thousands of passengers inconvenienced, Britain made to look a laughing stock. Just because people no longer think things all the way through because they are more focussed on saving money/maximising profits than they are on getting the job done effectively.

Just like any other day at Heathrow then?

Kubica marked out as future champ – but how do you pronounce his name?

BMW are the surprise of the year so far. Yes, everyone thought they would do well, and certainly be in the top three teams (ie 5th and 6th places) but they are instead nearly leading the Formula One World Championship. OK, that’s a bit like being “nearly pregnant” but it is a Boolean variable. Off and on.

And that’s exactly what Kubica has been. Off and On. In Melbourne he was on when he qualified second on the grid, but fell off in the race. In Sepang in Malaysia he actually finished second showing that his team-mate’s second place last week was no fluke. It is also a warning that Kubica is the main danger in the BMW camp, not Heidfeld (although Nick is no slouch).

Heidfeld has been out-qualified by Kubica at every race this season, much like last season. If Kubica had finished in second place last week, not Heidfeld, he would now be the one leading the Formula One World Championship, not his age-sibling Hamilton. They are both just twenty three years old.

Robert Kubica could be the 2008 World Champion if McLaren and Ferrari keep on screwing things up like they have so far shown themselves to be most adept at doing.

But how the heck do you pronounce Robert Kubica’s name? I cannot rely on the people commentating at ITV as anything remotely Continental to them seems to be unpronounceable. I guess James Allen would even have a problem pronouncing Cafe. Oh dear, I’m being naughty again. Well, some people are easy targets. But that’s no excuse. It isn’t his fault. I shall try harder next time.

As for pronouncing Robert Kubica, my best guesses are:

1. Kubicha (as in Charlie)
2. Kubitsa (as in bits o’ this and bits o’ that)
3. Kubika (as in bicker)

I am assuming the “Ku” bit is pronounced like “Coo” as in a dove’s cooing, but I guess it could also be pronounced like “Queue”. Let’s face it, Poland uses a strange spelling system: you only have to see the TV ads for Lodz to understand that (it’s pronounced “Wudge” or something similar). Yes, I know, it’s very weird – but they are lovely friendly people, really. I like them.

Anyone got any ideas? Are there any Poles out there who can tell us, please?

Dobri wieczur…

Unsettled McLaren mismanage Malaysia GP as Ron flies in late and Lewis loses it

Originally Ron Dennis wasn’t going to come to Malaysia as he had to attend “important family business that nobody wishes for” back in the UK. Whatever unpleasantness it was isn’t important here but was important enough to Ron for him to say he wouldn’t be at Sepang. Wouldn’t he? 

Well, the McLaren team made all the arrangements and got settled into the swing of things on their own, which I am sure they are very capable of. After all, they are nothing if not one of the most professional of outfits in F1, and always have been.

Meanwhile, Lewis was on Cloud 9 after his performance in Melbourne. He had an ego attack. They say that pride comes before a fall, and all of his interviews since his race win have been those of a proud man under-estimating the task ahead of him. Despite having failed to achieve it in his first year.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a big Lewis fan. I know he was a rookie last year, but in so many ways he was also a seasoned McLaren veteran of 10 years. He knew the ropes. He was probably the best prepared rookie the sport has ever seen. But maybe he has come to believe everything comes very easily to him? With his talent, it probably does, but sometimes (perhaps like his Dad) I worry that he focusses on the wrong things sometimes. I know that he annoys some people who for some strange unfathomable reason seem to admire (yes, I know that is a strange word to use in this context) and believe in Alonso. Maybe it’s for this reason?

On the other hand, Lewis has been looked after and protected since the age of 12, and his Dad still travels to the GPs with him. Well, if I was his Dad, I would too. I mean, c’mon, what a dream job! The only thing missing is you aren’t in the car yourself. But I bet he has been! If Renault can let Richard Hammond into one of their F1 cars, I’m sure McLaren could do the same for Lewis’s Dad.

Heikki Kovalainen is in the car though. And he’s good. So good, that he out-qualified Lewis today. He did a good job.  During his qualifying laps. In only his second outing with the team. Amazing. But like Lewis, he is young and needs constant guidance. They haven’t been through the treadmill of the bottom then the mid-ranked then finally after much hard work, the top teams after competing out of the spotlight to learn the GP ropes.

So, when both Heikki and Lewis had finished their hot laps with still over a minute and a half left until the end of qualifying while other cars were still doing hot laps it was the Team’s responsibility to tell them to keep off the racing line, it was the Team’s responsibility to tell them to watch out for fast cars, it was the Team’s responsibility to let them know there were actually still cars out there circulating at racing, nay, qualifying speeds. Going into fuel-saving mode is one thing, but you have to honour the niceties of the sport.

To be fair, I did see Lewis scamper over to the right (off-line) side of the track after Heidfeld flew past him while Heikki didn’t. I suspect Heikki was trying not to hit his speed limiter again. Or he was frantically trying to get it to work now McLaren have changed its mode of operation. I guess both drivers were as surprised as anyone when Nick Heidfeld weaved past them as if on a Super G Slalom course.

Do you know what it’s like to be passed by a loud, fast moving piece of machinery doing more than 200 kph right next to you? From personal experience, I can tell you it’s a shock. No matter how cool you are, how brave, your body reacts before you can think about it. You flinch.

For me, I was walking down the central runway that linked Becketts with Woodcote on the old Silverstone airfield style circuit at the 1976 Formula 750 bike GP. It was a lovely sunny day, practice had ended, and I was just walking back to the driver’s paddock where I was staying with some mates. Out of nowhere, and I mean nowhere, ten times World Champion Giacomo Agostini flew past me on his Yamaha 4 cylinder, transverse engined 750cc 2 stroke screamer, as close to me as you would be if you were walking beside me. His slipstream tugged me into his wake, and pulled my T shirt so that it flapped like the Tibetan prayer flag that at that moment I wished it was. Now you don’t hear him, now he’s gone. And you’re deaf on that side.

Oh yes. Fast things are fast. And you get no time to do anything as they come past you – unless you have pre-prepared. Today, it was clear that this was something the McLaren Team had not pre-prepared. Or, in the excitement of Ron’s arrival on Saturday morning, their calm deliberations skipped a beat, because at Turn 4 neither Heikki nor Lewis had moved off the racing line. Until their Agostini moment.

So Heidfeld complained, Alonso joined in like the good moaner he is, and both McLarens lost five places each on the grid after the Stewards took five hours to think about it. Maybe Nick wouldn’t have been so cross if Lewis hadn’t cold-shouldered him so openly after the race in Oz last week. It was plain to see that while Lewis made a huge fuss of Rosberg, from what the TV cameras showed he totally ignored Nick who I think is probably a nice guy if you let him be one.

I know it’s a competition, but there’s an old saying “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”. Lewis needs to have another look at his ego – or his feeble attempts at gamesmanship. As I said, pride comes before a fall, and he is beginning to act just a little bit cocky. ITV ran a post-qualifying session interview with him and he was clearly suggesting the Ferraris may present no greater problem than last year when he overtook them both at the first corner.

Well, that’s going to be a whole lot harder from 9th on the grid, isn’t it Lewis?

Fragile Ferrari implodes while podium erupts with youthful exuberance

Formula One hit the TV screens this weekend – and I do mean hit! The 2008 Australian Grand Prix saw 3 Safety Car periods, 15 retirements, and mistakes galore from many people we previously thought were quite good – but it now appears may only have done so well in the past because of the electronic driver aids.

Biggest surprise of all for many was Ferrari’s implosion. After First Practice it was clear that Ferrari had the quickest car under Kimi Raikkonnen, as he made the fastest lap which wasn’t beaten until Saturday practice when the BMWs were the quick cars, both lapping in the 1 min 25 secs. But race day was different. This was the first race to be held without driver aids, and this was the first race we have seen for years in which, as Martin Brundle so succinctly put it

Good driving was rewarded, bad driving was punished – and that’s how it should be.

Apart from the more technical changes, the most noticeable effect of the new regulations, according to Mark Blundell, was going to affect two main areas: acceleration and braking.

The first is pretty obvious as anyone who has traction control on their road car will tell you; the second less so, but it allows for more progressive braking on down-changes as the traction control system kicks in to add engine braking to the disk and caliper control initiated by the driver’s foot.

While these two areas are most affected, the fact that at nearly every point on a circuit a Formula One car is either accelerating or braking means the actual impact in the race is far more than just at the start and at the corners. It will also affect traveling behind the pace car when small adjustments have to be made to speed and position by each driver, and perhaps even more importantly, during overtaking manoeuvres or when putting a wheel off line.

On the first corner, Massa lost some places as he struggled to slow down now that the computer doesn’t engine-brake the car for him anymore. He over-steered quite badly and fell off the circuit pretty quickly, then had to pit to get a new nose cone. A couple of laps later he pitted again for more fuel, although why he couldn’t do this when he came in for the new nosecone is a bit of a mystery. Put it down to lack of organisation in the Ferrari pit.

Later on Massa got caught out again with lack of car control and drove into the side of David Coulthard’s car because he overcooked the braking again. This incident damaged his car and he retired a few laps later.

Raikkonnen though has a reputation as being very good. He is supposed to have supreme car control, but I think some people must be getting him confused with Mika Hakkinnen because Kimi clearly couldn’t always handle the Ferrari in race conditions without the computer helping him out.

On two occassions, he made really costly mistakes, rookie mistakes really, when a red mist descended as he tried to overtake Kovalainen (who incidentally got the fastest lap of the race) and just went straight on at a corner he must have forgotten was there, and later put a wheel on the grass and span out again as he tried to overtake Timo Glock (known by the Irish as either Team O’Glock or Tim O’Glock depnding on whether you use the German or Irish pronunciation of his name). Kimi was lucky not to hit anything or anyone, and that there were no other cars following close by as he didn’t lose any more positions during the incident.

Such were the bogeymen. But who were the real stars of the day?

Well, clearly Hamilton didn’t put a foot wrong. He didn’t get fastest lap – as I said before his team mate got that – but he did get all 10 points on offer and kept his head while all around him his rivals were losing theirs.

Kovalainen impressed with a clean drive in second place for much of the race, holding off attacks from successive drivers who subsequently had problems. One of these problems was the Timo Glock crash that brought the safety car out just one lap before he was going to pit. This unfortunate timing meant that Heikki lost his second place, and ended up racing with Alonso for 4th. Yes, with Alonso for 4th. In a Renault. Maybe Alonso is something of a decent driver then, even if he isn’t necessarily a decent team mate or team player.

Kovalainen made a great move to overtake Alonso with just two laps to go, but in his excitement on the next lap he hit the steering wheel with his fist as he tried to adjust his visor and switched the speed limiter on by accident, allowing Alonso to retake the place. He isn’t the only driver ever to have done this – World Champion Nigel Mansell is one of many top drivers who have made similarly silly mistakes.

Williams deserve much praise though. Top Toyota engined car (using customer engines, no less) and a class act all weekend. After all the tension, hostility and It was so nice to see Rosberg and Hamilton so pally in the weighing room and on the podium. Just like the joint interview ITV showed of Hamilton and Kovalainen together before the race: it’s like the era of James Hunt and Co all over again. This crop of youngsters are turning into quite an enjoyable bunch to watch.

You could see though that Hamilton took the BMW threat more seriously, not paying much attention to Nick Heidfeld at all, a sign of rivalry, perhaps? But there was Heidfeld in second place, on the podium for BMW who must be pretty pleased with the way things went for them. Well, ignoring the problems of concentration that took Kubica out when he clipped the back of the car in front of him before going off on Turn 15. He had looked incredibly pale before the start, wouldn’t talk to anybody, and hopefully has gotten over his bad nerves after qualifying on the front row for the first time ever. Next time perhaps he’ll keep his cool a little more, although with in-cockpit temperatures of 50C today, he may have more problems in Malaysia which will be hot and humid.

The after-race Press Conference was pretty standard, except for one classic moment. When asked by the official FIA interviewer about how he had felt in the heat and conditions, the non-sweating Hamilton replied “Really, it was quite easy physically! I was very comfortable” or words to that effect. On hearing this, and as simultaneously as any synchronised swimmers could have done it, both Heidfeld on Hamilton’s right and Rosberg on his left slowly turned to look incredulously at Lewis, just to check he wasn’t joking… he wasn’t: he looked as fresh as a daisy! How does he do it? Fitness. Seeing the looks on the two Germans’ faces was a real classic. They just looked so bemused.

Biggest disappointment of the weekend had to be Piquet though. I thought he came from sterner stock than that. He never really got to grips with the car. Maybe he’s just a slow learner? Or maybe it’s Briatore slowing him down on purpose so as to make poor, spoiled Alonso feel good – but that would be a dangerous game for Renault to play.

Next race is in just a few days time. It will be interesting to see who has learned from their mistakes, and who keeps on making them. It promises to be a most interesting season – bring it on!

Should men be allowed in US politics?

Seems to me we’ve heard all this before, and we’re going to hear it all again. Big men in big powerful positions who just can’t resist the temptation of a bit of sex on the side. Why do they do it? Why do they put the success of their whole careers, lives, and families at such risk? Why is it always men who make politics so sleazy? The latest rumpus involving Elliot Spitzer is a typical example.

In Japan, the girl would have been called a Geisha, and it would have been completely OK – apparently, even some wives pay for their husbands to visit a Geisha house as a special birthday present. But in Japan, it’s done with a little more decorum, baths, massages, tea ceremonies and other civilising influences that take place over sometimes a 24 hour period or even a whole weekend, perhaps with very little actual sex involved.

It seems in the US where some powerful people have little patience for such civility, Mr Spitzer is reported to have paid $4,000 for sex with a pretty, petite brunette, part of an “Escort Agency” involved in Prostitution. In Japan, the idea is apparently for the man to feel like a King; in the US model, perhaps as British heart throb Hugh Grant liked to find out, things can get pretty dirty.

If you look at the recent record, we’ve had successive Republican politicians involved in scandals involving gay sex, extra-marital sex, and now a Democrat dragged down as well.

If people want clean politics, why don’t people elect a female President? I can’t see a woman straying from the straight and narrow as much as a man. We men are too easily tempted. And men at the top of the ladder of power only get there because they’ve got big Cajones.

Perhaps it’s hardly surprising that having big Cajones brings a few other effects, too…

To paraphrase Frankie Goes to Hollywood:

Cajones!
What are they good for?
Absolutely nothing
Politics,
Having sex,
Everything that you can get,
Cajones!

The Democrat Conundrum: Vote with Head or Heart?

Democrat’s are in an unenviable position right now. Two excellent candidates, either one of which would make a great President. But both pretty equally matched in the delegate hunt right now. So, which one do voters like the best?

But perhaps the question really should be which one is most likely to win against the Republican nominee?

Currently, it seems Obama gets about 80% of the African-American vote, which gives him a significant advantage in the Democrat Primaries as African Americans are more highly represented in this Party than in the country at large. Most African-Americans vote Democrat. But Nationally, across the US they only make up 18% of the entire vote. This creates a challenge.

The Democrat nominee will need to appeal to more than just their special interest group to get elected when confronting the GOP and the supporters of John McCain. Voting for Obama may be counter-productive in the race for the White House. In the Primaries, his African-American supporters give him an advantage that will be much diluted in the National Vote. And rumour has it that Evangelicals (who usually vote Republican) are voting in Democrat Primaries to skew the results to favour a Republican win next time – making it a two stage election process: Round 1, make sure you get the weakest National candidate elected; Round 2 when the election proper arrives, switch back to your natural party and win.

If you don’t believe me, look at Ohio. This State is supposed to be representative of the wider country, and here Clinton beat Obama 60 to 40. That should send out a few alarm bells. Obama may be the best at winning the Primaries, but may be the worst bet to win the Presidency. And that could let the Republicans in – again.

Does any Democrat supporter seriously want that?

Liberal Democrat non-leader splits party over nothing

Sometimes you can see leadership written all through some people. It colours all of their actions, their interactions, and their fundamental reactions. Leadership is something you either have, or you don’t. It isn’t about what you know, it’s about who you are. It isn’t how you do things, it’s about how others react to those things. True leadership is like the Midas touch.

And Nick Clegg doesn’t have it.

In Parliament today he managed to split his party on one of the main issues where previously there had been agreement. He managed to sow discord where previously there had been harmony. And why? Not because he wanted them to vote against their principles, not because he wanted them to vote this way or that way, but because he actually told them not to vote at all! Not content with playing the wimp hand, he then proceeded to try to force them to his will using a three line whip.

Not surprisingly, 3 Front Bench spokesmen resigned and 15 of “his” MPs ignored his commands as the tide ignored Canute all those years ago. Oh dear, I thought, the Lib Dems have a right one here. But then I thought that over the LibDem leadership election, too: neither candidate had as much charisma as a dead slug, so it was inevitable that something like this would happen someday.

What is it with British politics these days? Don’t politicians like strong leaders anymore? The Conservatives have overlooked Ken Clarke again and again when he is one of the few men who could have gotten them elected by now, and the LibDems have passed up on an excellent leader in the form of Vince Cable, a true performer. Vince Cable is so good that he overshadowed both Cameron and Brown, and I think they were both a little scared of him.

But who’s going to be scared by Nick Clegg? Well, based on the fact that almost a quarter of his party MPs don’t even do what he tells them anymore, I would say nobody. I mean, he’s just so Last of the Summer Whiney isn’t he?

Obama, the shady moneymen, press politics and Corporate America

Apparently, some of Barack Obama’s long standing financial backers have some rather strange connections with a Middle East businessman. Now, it may all be nothing to do with Mr Obama himself, but he has reportedly written letters on behalf of one of these people to gain favour with officialdom and been in receipt of land, loans and a favour or two.

So, if Obama wasn’t acting against the law himself, was he greedy, ill-advised, naive, stupid, or just inexperienced? There certainly seems to be some very strange goings on going on. As someone trained in spotting potential money laundering, the arrangement between the backer and the source of funds is typical of those we are encouraged to look into in the world of finance.

What I find strange is that when googling for “Obama mistake” one of the best sources of information is not a US newspaper, but a UK one, The Times.

Why is the US press giving Obama such a soft ride? It reminds me of the soft ride George W Bush got in the run up to his second term of office, and we all know now that was a mistake: if the press had asked more searching questions and acted as journalists, rather than as a political support machine maybe the US and the world would not have gotten into so much of a mess over the last 4 years.

I mean, who has gained from the invasion of Iraq? The only Western establishments that have benefitted have been the oil companies with the high oil prices giving them massive new profits, and companies like Dick Cheney’s old firm Haliburton who gained millions from new Army contracts for support services.

The cost? Osama bin Laden is still at large in Afghanistan/Pakistan where he has been since before the invasion of Iraq; the Iranian President, Ahmed I’m-a-dinner-jacket, can drive from Baghdad airport and walk in the streets outside the high security Green Zone that Georgie’s boys are helicoptered into and out of on PR visits to US bases and other places in Iraq; President Hugo Chavez has enough money from huge oil prices to throw his weight around in Latin America, threaten Colombia and fund the FARC and who knows what else, Americans around the world are pretty much disliked everywhere they go (at least they report to feeling very unwelcome in most countries they visit – and I mean Western countries here); the US dollar continues to fall; inflation is rising, causing interest rates to rise which causes house prices to come crashing down and bring the sub-Prime scandal into the harsh light of day.

So, the US press needs to ask more questions before they adopt a favourite (he certainly does that Big Speech well, doesn’t he?) as they seem to have done here. Obama might be the sound-bite kid, but it’s supposed to be a free press not the PR department for Corporate America. Real journalism seems to have become marginalised, subsumed by corporate greed.

And that can’t be good for anyone.